Part I
A Field Guide
Cryptids in the upper Arkansas valley are not species. They are assemblies. Learn the parts. Six donor species are known; any cryptid you meet is a head, a body and a tail from three of them.
Part II
Which cryptid are you?
Six questions. Each one decides a part. Answer honestly. The valley already knows.
Seasonal notice
Sighting Season
Cryptids are observed year-round. Naturalists report the following patterns:
- Mud season. Sightings drop sharply. The marmots have gone to the desert, which they describe as "basically the same thing."
- Runoff. Otter-bodied specimens appear in large numbers, all of them saying the flows are great right now.
- Leaf-peeping weekend. Retriever tails are seen wagging at the view from a line of traffic on Highway 50.
- First snow. The bighorn does not notice. It is still standing where you left it in August.
Part III
The Bylaws
- All sightings are true until disproven, and nothing has ever been disproven.
- Be kind. Everyone out here is a little assembled, and that is the point.
- Keep it family friendly. Small cryptids in very good pumpkin costumes are present.
- Yield to anything with bighorn parts. It was here first and it knows it.
- Photographs must be blurry. A sharp photo is evidence of a hoax.
Part IV
Frequently Asked Questions
Are cryptids real?
About as real as the parking on F Street on a Saturday.
Did you make these up?
Yes. Every one of them is assembled from you.
How many are there?
216 confirmed. Six of them are suspiciously ordinary.
Who runs this?
A subcommittee of marmots. They are asleep.
Can I report a sighting?
Yes. Tell the person next to you. Then point.